Pulling Punches and Crossing Over to Crazy

So I am convinced. I am convinced more than ever that there comes a time when you just have to make a decision. We treat our lives as normal. We think, "Well I'm here. That's nice". We were meant for so much more than eeking out an existence. But for so many of us (including me) we just do enough to get by and have lost our hearts. Our passion. Ourselves.

Life is amazing! Isn't it? I mean here I am. I exist and it is awesome. What an amazing privilege. Don't get me wrong. Crap happens and tragedy strikes us all at some point, but that is something to hold on to as well. We are alive and experience it all. What a gift to get to experience life, love, hope, tragedy, but for so many of us we are paralyzed or numbed by it all and we pull up short in grabbing life and living it fully. I know I do.

I know I up and moved my whole family to Thailand. Some would say that is grabbing life and living but to be honest I still pull punches at times. I don't say what's really on my mind. I don't choose the adventure or the unknown. Even our move to Thailand was well researched and planned out as much as possible. I sit back at times and look at life and say, "I can never do that." Or I say, "Good for them, they took a risk and it worked (or it didn't)." But I don't make those choices. I play it as safe as possible. I push my limits to a point and say "that's far enough." But I have stifled the fire in my belly. We have been conditioned to stifle it. What about you? Not to be reckless...well maybe reckless. We worship "safety" and "predictability" and in the process we lose a piece of our soul.

I want my soul back.

I want to embrace this life I was given and live it. I have met amazing people in my life. They chose to live their lives by their rules and live it passionately. They don't seem to follow the dictates of their culture. I want to love people unconditionally. I want to believe I can do more than I ever thought I can do. I want to be the person God made me to be and not shy away from it. I have been pushed by those around to share my thoughts more. I tend to pull punches and say just enough. I tend to make different choices, but I don't cross the line to where people will think I'm crazy. But then isn't it more crazy to live life full of "what if's"? Surely there are worse things than failing. Like never trying.

I love my life. I love my family. I love everything about it. But I still think I am not living my life the way I was made to live it. I suffer for it. My family suffers for it. Because it steals my joy, my hope and love. So I have decided to embrace 3 things unashamedly.

1. Jesus. I want to be more like him. Honestly, who wouldn't?
2. Unconditional love for all people with no "but's" or (insert cliche' line here that makes us feel better).
3. That I have been given the "want to" to do some crazy things. Things I don't think I am physically able to or mentally tough enough to. And maybe I'm not, but I sure want to find out.

Ok. Enough talking about it. Good day.

And here I thought I was going to talk about the virtual partner option on my Garmin... maybe tomorrow.