Broken Cisterns

Disclaimer: This is not me preaching. This is me remembering. 

“My people have committed two sins:
They have forsaken me,
    the spring of living water,
and have dug their own cisterns,
    broken cisterns that cannot hold water.”

Jeremiah 2:13

I need this reminder every once in a while. A cistern is a tank for storing water or an underground reservoir for water. You would see them all over Thailand where I live. It sustains life by giving water. So many times in my life I have tried to build cisterns to take care of myself and so many times they have failed me. 

One of the biggest ones is the way I cope with disappointment, anger, stress and pretty much any negative emotion. It has been my cistern for as long as I can remember. Eating. Growing up wasn't much fun for me I must admit. I was always the fat kid. There isn't one school picture that doesn't reflect this. Throughout elementary and middle school I was the butt of about every joke. At least it felt that way. Throw in a brief bout with body odor in 4th & 5th grade and a speech impediment that finally got dealt with in 6th grade, I was a mess. While I had some really good friends, there were days I just couldn't take it. What would I do? I would come home and thrash the cupboards and refrigerator until the pain and hurt was subdued by the euphoria of food. Of course this only perpetuated my obesity. But it was my coping mechanism. My cistern. And it was broken.

It stays with me into adulthood. While I have victory most days, this habit tends to creep back into my life and derail me. At one point in my life I ballooned up to 381.5lbs. That was my darkest moment; and my wake up call. 

Honeymoon 2004

Through the help of doctors, an amazing trainer, the encouragement of my friends, family and Jesus I have made it down to 240lbs. It is a long hard road. I struggle to get past this point because my broken cistern comes back to haunt me and tempt me and at times it wins out. Yet I don't want to trade in something broken for another busted cistern. See I have to remember that eating right and exercising, while important, will just end up being another broken cistern in my life. It will disappoint me and let me down. It has already. I suffered through injuries and disappointing performances that felt less life giving and more life sucking. I love it and it is a good habit to have but it isn't the whole of me.

I forget that God is my wellspring of life. He is the true life giver. He has restored so many broken pieces of my life and continues to do so. Wholeness is found in brokenness when I realize I can build cisterns, coping mechanisms in my life but they will let me down and disappoint at some point. I find I am at my best when I quit trying to handle everything on my own and allow God to be the sustainer of my life.  

Bonita Cafe 2012

I know not everyone who reads this blog follows Jesus like I do. Please don't take this post as preaching. I have been thinking about these words for a long time. I write this for myself to remember what Jesus said when He said, "“If you knew the gift of God and who it is that asks you for a drink, you would have asked him and he would have given you living water...Everyone who drinks this water will be thirsty again,  but whoever drinks the water I give them will never thirst. Indeed, the water I give them will become in them a spring of water welling up to eternal life.”

So my journey of fitness and health and running is all part of my journey of following Jesus. It's cool. Life is all connected. Jesus reconnected my broken pieces. I feel whole not because I am more fit, but because God makes me so. 

The Magic of Lumpini

So I am working on a book right now. I need to get back into blogging. My apologies. Consider this my re-entry. I have been thinking of Lumpini Park this morning among other things and thought I would share an exert from my brainstorming:

Right in the middle of what feels like sheer chaos. In a city that is an all day traffic jam, bumper to bumper cars and buses, motorcycle taxis and scooters weaving in and out of traffic, sidewalks full of people, little shops and stands and more motorcycles, sits an oasis. A place that offers tranquility and an escape. This 360 rai (142 sq acre) Graceland is called Lumpini Park. It is like entering another world.

There are no cars inside the park. There is no smoking or soi dogs. It is a beautiful park full of trees and open space, a man made river and lake. There is a wide track that goes around the outer edge of the park with a couple paths leading through the middle of it. It is a place you go to see things you might not get to see in your every day life in the city. I had heard a rumor that the park was home to giant monitor lizards. That was hard for me to believe. But as I ran the park and started paying attention I started noticing these strange, prehistoric like creatures emerging from the water. It was really a little hard to believe. Here in the middle of the city came these huge lizards. The more time I spent in the park the more I noticed them. You can get incredibly close too! That is, if you want to get close. They are relatively docile and fun to watch. My 6 year old son loves going there to watch them and even feed them. Add giant catfish to the equation and it is almost like a free trip to the zoo.

I run early in the morning. The park opens at 5am. Our running club usually meets about 6:30am Sunday mornings. At that time of day the park is alive. There are people everywhere. It is a sea of people engaging in a myriad of activities. The track is full of walkers and runners and casual strollers. It would seem almost impossible looking at it that anyone can run there, but like a stream or river, it all flows together nicely. There are people in the grass having separate classes. Some are doing Tai Chi (I think), others are doing these beautiful movements or dances using either oriental fans or even swords. By the main gate there is an aerobics class happening. At times I have seen well over 100 people doing aerobics. I always smile as I pass the aerobics class. There are always people in the crowd making up their own moves or keeping to the back and just dancing. Hey if they aren't knocking anyone over, more power to them. There are pavilions and tables full of people laughing, talking loudly and eating. You can tell they are old friends and family by the way they cut loose with each other.

Then there is the “Lumpini Parade”. My first day in the park and with the running group we were greeted by these older Thai gentlemen. If you can imagine, there is about 30-40 of them all wearing a matching blue singlet. The gentleman in the front sets the pace; a nice slow pace. He also rhythmically honks a loud bicycle horn to the rhythm of his footsteps. As I entered the park these were the first guys I met. They waved me into the group and asked me to join them. Too nervous and still looking for the running group I just joined, I turned them down. It doesn’t stop them from waving and asking us to join every Sunday morning. I feel like these men have tapped into something. They found running as a community. They have connected to each other and built strong bonds. This is something I see the running club I am a part of moving towards, even in its early stages. But more than that, by their simple presence in the park I feel welcomed there. As a foreigner and someone still new to the country these guys have made me feel a part of the park and the larger community there. This group of runners, these bridge builders, have helped me see that running isn’t just about my physical health and well being but it is about others and embracing people as they are.

Lumpini is hard to describe fully though. It is more than the sum of its parts. My friend K-san calls it the "Magic of Lumpini". It is where I have seen on many days that running truly is a spiritual discipline. To be part of something so alive and vibrant engages the soul. It engages all our senses. It reminds us of God’s good creation and our place within it. It reminds us that our lives are connected together simply because we all bear the image of God and each person deserves dignity, honor, respect and love.

Like I have said before, God is waiting for us out there. He is waiting along the path. We are being called out and to something. Running can be just running or it can be more.

Do you have a place you run that carries that kind of significance to you?

Isaiah 40

Isaiah 40:28-31

⁸

²⁸ Do you not know?
Have you not heard?
The Lord is the everlasting God,
the Creator of the ends of the earth.
He will not grow tired or weary,
and his understanding no one can fathom.
²⁹ He gives strength to the weary
and increases the power of the weak.
³⁰ Even youths grow tired and weary,
and young men stumble and fall;
³¹ but those who hope in the Lord
will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles;
they will run and not grow weary,
they will walk and not be faint.

Connecting My Soul

There is alot to be thinking about these days. I got alot on my mind. One thing on my mind is the connection of the spiritual and the physical. And to be honest, I think it is a false dichotomy. I believe that everything in our lives is spiritual. You might say, "Wait, I'm not into being spiritual". Too late. We are connected to something bigger than ourselves. That is part of the journey for me in my quest for better health. I believe that working out, family, work, faith, friends, mowing the yard, doing taxes are all connected. It is all a spiritual act. It is just a matter of us opening our eyes, hearts and soul to see it as such.

I am a follower of Jesus. Not everyone who reads this post is a follower of Jesus. No worries. I won't get preachy on you. That is not my point. My point is, our lives are connected to something bigger than ourselves. We must recognize that. It is part of our quest towards wholeness. This is what I am learning. When I am struggling in the pool, running 10k, doing the dishes, spending time with my family or riding the bus, it is all holy ground. I must recognize that God is with me and every moment is sacred. So the way I treat my body, my family, my enemies, myself is all a direct reflection of the health of my soul and my connectedness to Jesus.

My endevour to be physically healthier is not a separate endevour from my pursuit of Jesus. It is the same pursuit.

That is what I am connected to. What are you connected to outside yourself? Give me some feedback.

Saturday is for Singing

Until I know you all won't judge me, I will keep my Saturday song selection conservative. I think I will keep Saturdays easy and fun by posting a song I love that motivates or inspires me. Music should touch your soul. Sometimes it is musically and sometimes it is lyrically. And on occasion I have the opportunity to present both. And here it is. Ladies and Gentlemen: The Decemberists...